so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
