when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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