In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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