my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize