This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They have beer where we have blood.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
