grandma shit on top of the toilet
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
