I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
