4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
