8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
