You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
