i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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