the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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