My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
