hotel room ftw
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
