I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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