Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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