if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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