i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
