I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
