She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
