Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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