Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
