During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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