Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
