I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
