The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
