so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
