she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Someone came in the potted fern
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
