it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
