Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
