with your own penis?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
