the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
