is your mom at the bar?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
