I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
