Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize