So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
