He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
