I should be sponsored by Trojan
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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