RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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