how can u be prego again
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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