you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
