my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
