I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
