And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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