She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
