I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
