my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
