Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
