I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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