the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
