I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
