My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
