I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
