your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
