So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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