I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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