You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
