also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
