I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
