as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize