The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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