My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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