trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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