Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
