You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
