Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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