batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
