could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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